I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
