Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Someone came in the potted fern
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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