I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
