we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
