when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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