I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
