you traded sex for a burrito?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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