I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
