I want to have your abortion
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
