so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
