It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I need moral support for this bender
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
