Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
