My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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