you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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