My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
