Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize