It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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