her vagine was all disorganized.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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