If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ugly people sure do ruin things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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