I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
