jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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