no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
