I am puke
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have tasted many bathrooms
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
