you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
