Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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