it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
