what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
