dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
