all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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