so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
