My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
