sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
