I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he thought i was a dude.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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