so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
