You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize