last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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