I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
