i think i have two assholes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
