I hope my margaritas pass through security.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
