You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
