Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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