I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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