HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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