And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize