Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
