like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
