She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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