EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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