I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The power of my boobs compel you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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