Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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