The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
