Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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