so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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