He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize