idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
