I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
