New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have fence marks all over my body
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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