The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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