I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
