my phone needs a breathalizer
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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