Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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