I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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