i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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